Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
