Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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