I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
