I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
