You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
