She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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