hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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