He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize