I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
