I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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