What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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