Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
