tell your sister to shave her snatch
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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