I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
