remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize