And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
