I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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