yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
