she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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