Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
