I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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