Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
