I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
