I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
