You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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