If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching her eat just hurts me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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