She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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