i already hear my dad disowning me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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