Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
