I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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