I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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