Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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