We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
