What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
