omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize