I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
