dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
