I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
