Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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