When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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