It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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