I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
