Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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