You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
