dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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