just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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