she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
