I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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