I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
