Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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