It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
