If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love you. Go after that dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
