Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
