you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
