There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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