Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize