Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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