College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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