I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
