he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
