Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
