Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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